Advice and opinion giving, sympathising and offering to assist are all ways of helping people, but they are not counselling.The first responsibility for any counsellor wishing to use counselling skills is to create a climate of warm acceptance where the client feels safe enough to explore and understand their feelings and thoughts before considering action.We can not often solve human problems, but we can learn to manage them better; and we can help others do so by support and challenge.

A very large part of counselling is working with feelings.

You could say that counselling is creating a climate where feelings can be explored and expressed. You often have to help a person really get into feelings, sometimes very difficult feelings. It is not enough just knowing that you feel elated, depressed, sad, etc. Feelings need to be expressed, verbally and non-verbally, appropriately of course. (Think how bad it is to feel angry and not be able to express it.)

A person is a bundle of feelings, very often denied or unconscious feelings. Change and action more often happen at the level of feelings than at the level of thoughts and intentions. Very often however people are not comfortable with feelings. Some emotions can be scary for a lot of people; they need trust and confidence that it is okay to have such feelings and express them.

Unless you are comfortable with both your own and someone else’s emotions they will not be able to get into their feelings. Also remember, if you are unaware of the deeper levels of feelings–or only to a limited extent–you won’t be able to help a person beyond that point. You simply won’t be aware there is more to come. For example if I’m unaware of the complexity of feelings a bereaved person might have – anger, guilt, even relief perhaps, as well as sadness–I can’t help them to the point where they get in touch with that feeling which may nevertheless materially effect the well being of that bereaved person.

Three stage model of counselling:-

STAGE 1: EXPLORATION

Counsellors help cpeople to explore their issues through listening and giving full attention. The Counsellors genuineness, acceptance and empathy are communicated through the use of the ACTIVE LISTENING:

Paraphrasing

Reflecting feelings

Using Open Questions

Focussing; helping the client to be specific: concreteness

Summarising

All of which give the the message, I’m with you and I’m hearing you.

For some people, the chance to explore their situation in an accepting atmosphere will be sufficient to enable them to move on by themselves.

Others will need further help to enable them to fully understand the factors involved and find the resources to take effective action.

STAGE 2: FINDING NEW PERSPECTIVES

The Counsellors stage 1 skills, which are fundamental to the counselling process, are used to help people explore their world and feelings.

In stage 2 the Counsellor tries to help people to understand themselves, their situation and feelings better and in a new perspective. This can be a difficult and painful experience, so the Counsellor uses Stage 2 skills carefully and tentatively with phrases like:

Perhaps you feel…

It may be that…

It seems as if you are feeling…

The main stage 2 skills is an extension of the reflection, paraphrasing and summarising skills of stage 1. It is called DEEPER EMPATHY.

Stage 1 empathy reflects surface meanings and feelings while deeper empathy of Stage 2 gets at feelings and meanings, which are buried, hidden and somehow not normally obvious to the client.

STAGE 3: ACTION

In stages 1 and 2 of the model are helped to explore and understand clients, their feelings and their world better, and in a different; light. In stage 3 clients are helped to take effective action–to achieve constructive change.

For some clients, stages 1 and 2 are sufficient to enable them to mobilise their own problems–solving resources, others will need positive help with their decision making.

Counsellors will continue, though, to work in a client-centred way using the skills of stage 1 and 2. The most important aspect here is that of helping the client to turn a vague aim into a specific goal–another version of concreteness. Remember that any behaviour–change technique should be used with clients–not on them.

STAGE 3 skills include:

Goal and strategy setting

Providing support and resources

Coaching and training

Using learning theory to pursue action plans

Problem solving

Decision-making

Evaluating

ATTENTION GIVING

Attending or being with the client, as counsellor, is important because it helps to establish a working relationship and trust between you and it improves the quality of your perceptiveness.

Your non–verbal behaviour will signal the quality of your interest. Be relaxed, face them and lean slightly forward; adopt an open posture and maintain good eye contact. But don’t be rigid about the above. Remember, you are always communicating something, and you are present through what you say and do.

Active listening involves not only paying attention to the verbal messages but also being aware of the non-verbal behaviour: tone of voice, facial expressions, posture etc. These non-verbal messages can either deny or confuse, strengthen or emphasis the spoken communication.